A plastic yellow bucket for my 2012 bucket list - how LiveSTRONG appropriate! Image via Wikipedia

I know that my last post was a bit darker than usual for me, and for that I apologize. One thing I’ve learned about cancer is that pain control is job #1, and without adequate pain control, it’s very difficult to focus on anything else. It’s also easy peasy to get dark about looking forward.

So yesterday and today I’ve bitten the bullet, and increased the oxycodone. I seem to be mentally functional for a good part of the day if I take 600 mg Ibuprofen plus 5 mg oxycodone in two doses about 12 hours apart, with a booster dose around mid-afternoon of 400 mg Ibuprofen plus another 2.5 mg oxycodone. It’s more oxycodone than I want to take.  I DO sleep more soundly and longer at night, and want badly to nap during the day. But at least I am sleeping, and I’m not spending every waking minute counting the time down until my next dose. So, fingers crossed that this will keep working.

Which means, I am ready for 2012. Sorta. I am ready for a new chemo port. I am ready for more chemo. I am ready to tackly the re-do of both downstairs and upstairs bathrooms. I’m bucket-listing, kinda.

There are things I want to do in 2012, and I don’t want them to be skipped, delayed or pushed off because of treatments. I am moving back to my 2004 approach – this is my time, and I want to be able to use it.

So…on my 2012 dance card, I want to:

• attend the English Cocker Spaniel Club of America national specialty in Gettysburg PA, April 27 – May 4
• get Madison’s Companion Dog (CD) or Tracking Dog (TD) title, or both (and wouldn’t it be great to get an AKC CD leg or finsh her AKC TD at the national?)
• taste foie gras and black and white truffles (yeah, I know, a foodie who has never tasted foie, or truffles…they’d have been a waste when I was on chemo.)
• re-do my downstairs and upstairs bathroom (this one should probably be higher up on the list)
• figure out what my writing priorities are going forward (do I spend more time on the book, or keep plugging away at my Examiner.com columns)
• get my wireless router set up at home (yeah, I know, the tech person whose house is still not wireless…)
• continue to work with groups like Live.Breathe.Grow and FightCRC to bring to fruition the cancer awareness fundraising projects we discussed in the 4th quarter of 2011.

These aren’t in any particular order, and as always subject to change as my year progresses. But this is the 2012 bucket list as of the first day of the year. What’s on YOUR bucket list this year? Or long-term?

And thanks to everyone who has written or commented in the last week or so. I know my last post was kind of scary. I felt kind of scared when I wrote it. But I’ll get past it, and be able to move forward again – I’m sure of it.

Here’s to a 2012 of brighter days, more completed projects, and a better sense of well-being.