I keep telling myself that I was younger then. And I was, ten years ago when I routinely showed my dogs two weekends (and sometimes three weekends) in a row. I also drove further and toted more weight for more creatures (a gordon setter, an english springer spaniel and an english cocker spaniel.)

Ten years ago was before an intracerebral hemorrhage and a cancer diagnosis. But this year, I spent the second and third weekends of January showing my dog – last weekend three days at American Spaniel Club in Valley Forge PA, and this weekend two days in one of the snow capitals of New York state – Hamburg. I rode with my friend Deb Bain down to Philly, but I drove myself to Hamburg.

Showing two weekends in a row was revisiting my old normal – but I had to reinterpret the old-normal dog show weekend with a five-hour nap on Saturday afternoon. I was able to touch base with old friends: Casey’s breeder Mary Frances, who hadn’t seen the old man for awhile and had a happy reunion with the old guy; Bard and Reu’s breeders Ken and Pat, who have a beautiful new gordon boy from the Pacific Northwest. I shopped, and found a made-in-NY pair of hand-crafted fleece glove-mittens. I watched dogs, caught up on my reading in the motel (the TV didn’t work…) and met a couple with an Old English Sheepdog special who were amazed that my traveling menagerie included Churro the cat.

I managed to get all the way home today and only had to stop once – but I owe it all to pounding a Burger King Mocha Joe and a Dunkin’ Donuts whole milk latte with a double-shot of expresso, both in less than two hours. I’m trying not to obsess about the fatigue, but I’m still concerned that I slept full nights on Friday and Saturday (nine hours,) and grabbed an extra five hours’ nap on Saturday afternoon…and right now, I could fall asleep with 5 minutes’ notice. Persistent, excessive fatigue is a sign of something wrong, a cancer marker. Part of me says that worrying about the fatigue is listening for cancer cells to grow. Part of me says that I’m worried for now reason.

It doesn’t matter how many clean scans you have, if you have even one cancer marker sneaking in to upset your serenity. Here’s to running on caffeine.

How do you keep going when you run out of steam? Do you use (or abuse) caffeine to get through your day?